UPDATE: Duke is great. I was joking.<\/p>\n
By Larry Chiang<\/p>\n
Ahh, McKinsey.<\/p>\n
In a pattern similar to back-to-school, McKinsey hosts a few dozen newbies with freshly pressed MBAs. It’s Sept 26, so we are all back from Summer travels & post June graduations!<\/p>\n
Inside the tier one, Huang-Engineering-quality, corporate classrooms, McKinsey trains. And trains. McKinsey techniques & operating systems are uploaded into new recruits like Keanu Reeves in the Matrix. Right into the cerebral cortex.<\/p>\n
Here is what they will NEVER teach MBAs here in SF at McKinsey<\/p>\n
-1- You have to rep (promote) the undergrad institution that loved you first.<\/p>\n
Everyone here inside the McKinsey walls has an academically lauded, b-school accelerated pedigree. There is no one from a tier two school and maybe one aberration from Fuqua. It is all Boston and bay area with a dash of tri-state.<\/p>\n
Most intros, bios and informational sound-bytes lead-off with the commonality that is homogeneously B-school.<\/p>\n
Don’t.<\/p>\n
BEST PRACTICES: Plug the institution that you cranked an undergrad degree at. The reasoning is that consultants are bored with the homogenous nature of fellow consultants. Undergrad is character-building, raw, revealing and real. This leads me to my next tip…<\/p>\n
-2- Hide the tier one MBA school you graduated from.<\/p>\n
MBAs are in a PR tailspin. I think MBAs are valuable.<\/p>\n
Hide the MBA because remember your business card says “MCKINSEY”. The MBA knowledge is assumed along with an email address that is first name, SPACE…, last name @McKinsey dot com. Also extrapolated is your freshly downloaded ‘McKinsey mind-set’.<\/p>\n
-3- Benchmarking Sex on the Road<\/p>\n
Sex, dating and relationship for consultants is different.<\/p>\n
Remember, when consultants have ‘sex on the beach’ it’s still in a sterile Starwood preferred Platinum, upgraded room.<\/p>\n
It’s chapter 7 of my book.<\/p>\n
Skip purchasing it, pay down your Sloan school loan and watch the free YouTube summary of my sex chapter. It is “Chapter 7: The Sex Chapter” https:\/\/YouTube.com\/larrychiang<\/a><\/p>\n Disclosure: Mark McCormack was my mentor and his success recipes from his 1983 NY Times bestseller, I repackaged as WTDTYASBS.<\/p>\n -4- Make Your Home Apt a Sterile Hotel Room with a Westin Bed<\/p>\n Dampening the travel wear-and-tear is impossible*. Living life out of a Tumi roller-board and Bosca travel toiletry kit is just cliche. Losers use Coach for toiletry kits because they aren’t lined with supple extruded rubber w a 0.014 thickness like a Bosca.<\/p>\n If you do not sterilize your home condo and turn it into a hotel room, you will dread going home. As a consequence, you will just book random flights to random cities just to put-off going home.<\/p>\n Disclosure: I’m a Westin supermodel and make money appearing in ads for the hotel chain. I financially benefit grand opening new Westin’s like the new one in SJ.<\/p>\n -5- Wardrobing.<\/p>\n All of my pants match all of my shirts. It’s like admit weekend. My pants matched all the guys shirts during the pre-MBA meet-and-greet. If me and a female from admit weekend were to be in a picture, it would look homogeneously domestic too.<\/p>\n *********** What McKinsey Will NEVER Teach You About UNDERWEAR ************<\/p>\n All of my anti-microbial socks are the same whether I’m playing basketball at Stanford University or dressed in a suit guest lecturing the PWC \/ Deloitte \/ Accenture class in NYC \/SF\/ St Charles, ILLINOIS. Anti-microbial as an Asian means if my project goes five days over, I can wear the same socks back-to-back-to-back<\/p>\n My underwear is engineered anti-microbial too https:\/\/whattheydontteachyouatstanfordbusinessschool.wordpress.com\/2011\/09\/06\/the-larry-chiang-75-dollar-boxer-shorts\/<\/a><\/p>\n Disclosure: I’m a supermodel and make money selling Nike underwear. I financially benefit when Team Nike (pro athletes) wear “Larry Chiang 75.00 Nike Boxer Shorts”.<\/p>\n -6- Do NOT Collect the Points<\/p>\n Paul Graham has a blog post called “first thing you think about”. Basically you should google it. Summary = solve something that you focus on.<\/p>\n Points and status is a consultants’ game within a game. Don’t play. Playing the points game distracts you.<\/p>\n You see, men think about sex 7 times a day. Well, me and my 88 IQ outflank, outmaneuver, out-execute TEAMS of tier one MBAs.<\/p>\n How?<\/p>\n Instead of thinking about sex 7x, I upload entrepreneur knowledge 1-6x per day in lieu of sexting. Airline reward points are statistically thought about as much or more. Think and talk about stuff that is more significant than stupid airline points.<\/p>\n Cashing in a airline points comp should be like banging a fat comm college chick at the Stanford Fiesta bowl’s hotel W event: not good + not talked about.<\/p>\n Mark Cuban has a blog post called “focus on your effort not your passion” https:\/\/bit.ly\/mcuban711.<\/a> Do not be passionate about points.<\/p>\n -7- Do Collect Live Action Business Case Studies<\/p>\n HBS biz case studies suck and are outdated. During training these two weeks, I’ll never hear of an HBS case study regurgitated. Yes, quote me and my crystal balls.<\/p>\n We as consultants do not want to peak in our careers. Don’t be a cliche by longingly uttering 9 years from now:<\/p>\n “oh, I was a McKinsey consultant.”<\/p>\n Plot spoiler, you’re not making partner.<\/p>\n Instead of collected stupid points like a hamster with a NYU Stern MBA (notice there are zero Stern people here and way way fewer Wharton-ites :-). Instead of collecting negligible int’l roundtrip flights, collect ‘live action business case studies’ https:\/\/m.voices.yahoo.com\/anchor-satellite-events-live-action-case-study-at-11055892.html<\/a> https:\/\/aonetwork.com\/AOStory\/Stanford-Business-School-Best<\/a> https:\/\/whattheydontteachyouatstanfordbusinessschool.wordpress.com\/2012\/03\/23\/debut-the-larry-chiang-live-action-case-study-stanford-engineering-pinterest\/<\/a><\/p>\n -8- i-bankers and consultants often peak 24-30 months after they start working.<\/p>\n Sooner or later you’ll have to provide real value \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n Focus on all the cool shitake that McKinsey cranks out because you’re in desperate need of an exit strategy.<\/p>\n You will need to exit this first job at McKinsey. It’s a great job but do not peak during your stint here. Spend your mental energy on a genius exit strategy from this McKinsey gig.<\/p>\n Hiding your McKinsey foray in the same way you “hide” your MBA is another article for a future day.<\/p>\n BONUS TIP:<\/p>\n -9- This is what they *DO* teach you at Stanford Engineering<\/p>\n Yes, I am the mega-douche that just put an ENGINEERING class (on technology entrepreneurship) inside a b-school in an Ivy. You’re graduated so here is what you’ll miss next year…<\/p>\n The engineering class is called E145. Its the class that Tom Byers \/ Tom Kosnik started and teach. ENGR145’s Anchor Concept moves you to the right on the entrepreneur engineer bell curve (embed 9:59 video summary)