CITY OF AUSTIN, It’s LARRY CHIANG YOUR UNOFFICIAL US CONGRESSMAN (115th Congress)

SAN FRANCISCO, CALIF.
By Larry Chiang (R-TX)This press conference is transcribed from a photo booth.

Do not laugh. It cost me negative money in my ‘election’. The press conference in the SF photo booth actually paid me cuz I am a supermodel. I modeled before congress. And since white, male, supermodels, peak at age 55…I should be able to model 50 years after my 11 month stints as your representative.

I, Larry Chiang (D-TX), am a lovely lover of the US constitution. Me. Me love the Constitution harder than a Cato-nian Cato-crat, that think tanks at Cato Institute. Furthermore, I also flip flop faster that a man from San Fran whose Aunt and Uncle live in Seattle https://twitter.com/dangerRussWilson. Its cuz the more I learn, the more I get swayed by your mentoring me. If you would like me to support my bill, LCECSPA, I will. You just have to text me on my carpet-bagger, Stanford University, based cellphone number 650-283-8008.

As a highly American, American, I would like to quote a man from the United States’ upper house of Congress, Richard Durban. I mispelled it on purpose to Search Engine Optimize a couple extra pageviews at ZERO TAX payer. Expense. Dick Durbin (D-IL) said citizens are our moist valuable resource. Imma us citizen!!

I am a US citizen. No immigration issues here.

Three US presidents said to my face via the TV, “Americas youth (I was young once!!), you are our best and moist precious resource.”

I take that to heart because I watch those segments on VHS cassette. How very West Texas, Lubbock of me #Waco.

Austin.

Austin, you’re the largest American city without an Anchor Congresswoman. That is a problem. That was your problem. I’m your unofficial congress-man.

I wanna be that man for you. Women, I blog as a woman at women 2.0 🙂 And since I have made out with a few of you, trust me I have zero understanding of you and less understanding of your lady-flower. Know that I will never legislate how you manage your Woo Woo. I can’t.

here is what i can

/1/ fist point of business

THERE WILL BE ZERO TOLERANCE FOR STEALING LAP TOPS

	Larry Chiang @ SXSW (@LarryChiang)
2/26/14, 1:14 PM “I Know Who Stole Our Laptops” Hunting Party at #SXSW #byoNunChuck

In the same way that criminal crews rip through a town and plan to descend on SXSW. Well, as your congressman, I am not going to book a meeting at the capitol and talk them to death. I am going to have a hunting party as a crime countermeasure. Think Bruce Li when he kicked buttocks at Themompolie.

Epic.

Together Austin, we will be an army of 500 kung fu fighting, location broadcasting Bruce Li’s.

/2/ ENGR145’s Anchoring and My Texan Gua Gua Guacamole

My first 100 days started last weekend after Stanford cancelled “Stanford Entrepreneur Week”. I flew in two dozen UT undergrads and did secret networking with sacred entrepreneur content. Prior to my accepting this role from myself, the content was trapped. Constipated. Clogged like an NFL rookie kicker, dehyrdrated in Phoenix’s Devry University Foodball Stadium. Err University of Phoenix. Err, effen Glendale ARIZONA.

This sacred knowledge moves UT to the right on the entrepreneur bell curve