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In The Media

Epiphany Phase

by Larry Chiang on May 9, 2022

by The vagina whisperer 

29-31 year olds…
Vagina whisperer can feel you know! Tell me how many of these bullet points hit home
-1- Sudden epiphany and rediscovery of religion 
Any religious thang…, and heaping servings of it. Doesn’t matter if it’s woo woo crystals or a cult that’s into Authentic Relating
Austin Stone Worship is packed with single women for their 9:00 service. And more packed for our 11:00 service 
-2- Hymen reattached
You lost your Cherry over a decade ago, but attempt to reattach our hymen we must. 
No sex 
No sex unless it’s space shuttle intercourse. Of course the age old strategy, the next guy you have sex with you’re going to marry, works
What’s Space Shuttle fornication!?
Seemingly perfect sex that checks ALL boxes. And then you cry. And then it blows up in your face.  
Checking boxes never gets your box to climax, but then that’s why NASA cancelled the Space Shuttle 
-3- Cant compete with 23 yo
Sexual Market Value, bankruptcies 
-4- Dating 32-26 yo men. 
Not possible bc 35 yo men with a great job and stored wealth can be dating 24 yo females. 
Compete harder…, don’t just throw in the towel
-5- Feminism is females destroying girls 23-27
An older woman whom you’ve never met wants you barren. And discourages the fertilization of our remaining eggs. 
Women kinda hate women
For example, do you even have one female friend 5-8 years younger than you?!
-6- Would you like an egg?
Notice who you make wear a condom and whom you do not. 
Freezing eggs is vapor ware. 
-7- old Maid
I think it’s spinster
-8- over Scheduled
Being alone even for one night’s a big no no, so you’re back-to-back to back. 
Getting a beta male in orbit helps your own perceived Sexual Market Value. 
-9- Yoga for facial rejuvenation 
Yoga is group exercise which is required. 
-10- Stop Drinking So Much
-11- black pill for sex
Sex used to be enjoyable. After swallowing a black pill, the vagina is closed. The black pill is 
– “I’m too busy to be dating”
– ‘I don’t know the obesity metric’
– Food is love, too 
– Dry pussy because I don’t drink water
– At least I’m popular on dating apps after I shave off 3 years and shave off my clam beard
– I’m taking a pole dancing class just in case
– I could buy boobs if I wanted to
The black pill for sex is a quasi abstinence where you’re sending wildly mixed messages… Except for when you’re on vacation to Austin in which case you’re a slut on vacay
And vacation sex does not count towards your notch count 
-12- So Woo Woo Wu Wu 
Reiki healing
Tarot reading
Anything as an elixir 
-13- Making Men Beg For Puddy
And then losing respect and attraction once they do beg
You’re a lonely ol’ maid and spinster
Counseling and mental health won’t help you outta this Sexual Market Value chart
Courtesy Rollo Tomassi 

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