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In The Media

Shitcoin Turnaround

by Larry Chiang on January 19, 2018

Vladislav Ginzburg (@Uncrypt_Vlad)
#shitcointurnaround is the best phrase I’ve heard at #WCEF2018 so far. Coined by @LarryChiang…

By Larry Chiang

Crappy tokens. There are quite a few! But this post is not to heap on judgement nor restate conditions about ICOs and existing alt Coins. It’s about #shitcoinTurnaround because most will fold but some will focus. This focused post seeks to help clarify my business recipe, “#shitcoinTurnaround”, and helps explain my role in crypto with its foundation in FinTech and underpinnings at Duck9, my FICO prep company.
Dickie Duck9 Mascot (@duck9)
#shitcoinTurnaround. It’s like turning around a FICO score.…

#shitcoinTurnaround has the pattern of a geometry theorem that gets derived like the simplest Merkle tree that even a kindergartener can do…, instead of encryption code breaking…, I am doing the opposite and breaking down
— how I do #shitcoinTurnarounds and — what to pay attention to and
— how things will pan out (sextuple Entendre, intended) for pooh tokens.
This business recipe that I seek to breakdown for you into a transparent protocol (open source) via this blog post is effen genius. Fortunately and I nfortunately, this is not my genius…, it is the genius of my DJ’ing 5 mentors. I repeat, this is five mentors life’s work discjockey’d.
I will be citing and sourcing five mentors. Because of their life’s work, this took me about an hour to write and catalyzed over $5,000,000++ in unrealized cap gains*. My five mentors do business turnarounds.
TL; DR, #shitcoinTurnaround-1- getting a test met up and going
-2- hamster-wheeling the back end by doing a couple of API calls to get faux functionality. Fake functionality puts you at 99.9% of the bell curve like my crypto fueled dimples
[insert dimple pic HERE]
-3- adhering to regulatory compliance by clearly establishing utility token functionality. The SEC never cracks down on Cheesecake Factory preselling our giftcards with a slice of cheesecake “premium”. What I mean is that Cheesecake Factory gives u a slice for buying one $25 giftcard. Technically, that’s a security if you sell it versus eating it.
-4- you cannot make 2, 10 net 30 illegal. 2% discount if invoice is paid in 10 days; 0% discount if paid in 30 days. Late payment for 120 days.
-5-  yellow box programming. Get it!? 2-5 yellow dudes*** in a box called my Palo Alto cubicle. Coding.
***yellow is all people. All genders. All variables, varieties and orientalizations.
-6- 2-5 CS majors is called #csMajorCMO
-6a- we all code. We all promote.
-6b- we all code. We all sell at a real world event like the SuperBowl, New York fashion week, the South By South Lawn music and Interactive Festival by Barack Obama with Larry Chiang. If it sounds like SXSW, my friend who Went to HLS, Changed one letrrr and hosted the party on the lawn of his house. Get it!? SXSLawn.
-6c- we all code and we all distribute. For example at a #tokenSummit or at the Marriott for consensys, we distributed
Karen Hsu, Stanford Engineering, Bill Tai UIUC Engineering and Mo Senku at Stanford Blockchain at Knight. 

FTC Disclosure: I used to teach at Stanford Engineering and financially benefit when the business school hosts events, conferences and workshop for Bitcoin. 

-6d- we four all code and we all do mentorship based distribution separately but sometimes together. 

 For example at a #tokenSummit or at the Marriott for consensys, we distributed
 #shitcoinTurnaround is value added pumping and HODLing
Bibliography de la #shitcoinTurnaround Marty Pichison. He’s the undertaker of Silicon Valley. If 1st Republic, Silicon Valley Bank or Avid push a startup that did debt financing into BK (bankruptcy), Marty Pichison is their first call. The run protocol #cs183abc. ABC of course is Assignment for Benefit of Creditors. It’s chap19 strait from VC Brad Feld. CS183 of course, is the startup class Peter Thiel taught. Going “from zero to one” means you’re sometimes stuck at zero. And go Bk. 

Mark McCormack. Yale Law school grad. He takes money losing or money making “franchises” and ‘doubles, you’. Get it, *W* doubles, you dubya. He edited the franchise Golf and solo-founded “Senior Golf Tour”
– same employees, slightly older
– same distribution (tv)
– same costs but lower
– same venue (golf courses)
– cheaper employees because Arnold Palmer was retired. And then unretired. But wayyyy cheaper

Gerri Detweiler. Took bad FICO credit score people and turned them around. Read her book, Ultimate Credit Handbook. I used that book as an engineer to turnaround 36,000,000 social security numbers that used to be associated with low credit score. And made them 800. 

Paris Hilton. Notorious and surprisingly great disc jockey. She takes existing songs and mashes them together. Ibiza!! She gets paid a million and I don’t think she makes up new music. She DJs. Her father did the same with turd hotel properties that were mismanaged and low revenue. Hilton made them high revenue and every room’s arbitrage and turnaround really added up. Hilton is a top 200 hotel brand. 

SEC DISCLOSURE: I may or may not have made out with her in either case, I financially benefit from her genius. 

Andrew Mason. Groupon is a turnaround of thePointe. The Point was a fundraising effort to put a dome over Chicago. If 1,500,000,000 wasn’t successfully raised, Deal was off. So, he did a Chicago restaurant and lowered the bar to 199 couponers. If 199 people buy the 50% off deal for deep dish pizza… GROUPON DEAL GO TIME. 

Polish Up Your Turds and get super rich 
Slide is courtesy, y-combinator. It’s a top 20 business accelerator that boosts startup de la tech.

Brad Feld via startup Boards. Chap19

Based on how much turd everyone is seeing, I keep thinking of my five mentors. You see there are so many #shitcointurnaround
Whether you judge, analyze or underwrite ICOs, there is a lot of truly large turd being trial ballooned. 

Larry Chiang (@LarryChiang)
This answers the @arrington question, “what’s your side hustle here at #WCEF2018 #ShitCoinTurnaround relates to @markymark…

And this…

Larry Chiang (@LarryChiang)
@500Startups It’s true imma certified supermodel that took the time to document chain of (my hawtness) custody & open sourced it on Twttr…, so pay attention when I derive a theorem that @mengyaoxi wiped out on purpose like Anna at #NYFW#ShitCoinTurnaround

Larry Chiang (@LarryChiang)
@500Startups It’s true imma certified supermodel that took the time to document chain of (my hawtness) custody & open sourced it on Twttr…, so pay attention when I derive a theorem that @mengyaoxi wiped out on purpose like Anna at #NYFW#ShitCoinTurnaround

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