Larry Chiang’s 5th book, WTDTYASBS, launched at a Harvard Law School keynote, so he knows about grand openings (He even attends and promotes the ones he isn’t invited to also). As CEO of Duck9, he leads an army to help college student consumers get a FICO over 770. Post H.L.S. keynote, Harvard Business wrote: “What They Don’t Teach You at Stanford Business School” (his latest Harbus post: “Setting an intention for SXSWi”.
To lead off the Unbar excursion, we were in a 3 person train (Larry, Chase, David). Larry is the caboose.
As we leave our office and head up a 1/4 flight of stairs, Larry got his dick grabbed by a female going down the stairs & passing by, David/Chase didn’t even notice.
Because of this we lost the selfie
Later on Larry cold opens and receives grenade which David and Chase could not close. She asks Larry “How old even are you?” which David and Chase should have helped defuse (“Larry just cold opened you and he’s way out of your league. This is Larry from New York Fashion Week”), but instead left Larry alone. Big mistake. But #FailingForward
We re-set at the office, saw a slow parade from the dick grabbers back into Unbar, but Chase lacked specificity when telling Larry. The dick grabbers were behind Larry and Chase said, “hey Larry, the blonde and burnette are walking back in behind you” when he should have been more specific by saying “hey Larry, the dickgrabbers are making a slow parade back in”.
Specificity matters:
- General = Guest Parking
- Specificity = Order of Information Matters
Hair Color indicates a brand new cold open. Specificity helps pick back up off of existing momentum.
The dick grabbers also get free drinks from a guy who took them to a bar. They immediate left the guy with his dick in his hands after they secured the drinks. Our mistake was not selling Vagina Whispering to the guy who just dropped $60 on drinks.
Did we mention the dick grab was complemented with an ass grab?
- Female 1: Dick grabber
- Female 2: Ass grabber
Dick grabber’s dick grab lasted 45-50 seconds. So long that ass grabber (female 2) said “OMG, are you really still grabbing his dick?”
We should also mention that earlier that night we’d also done “Zero to Puddy in Under 60 Minutes”. You can read more on that here.

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