Tie yourself down to whatever chair you’re sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.

Tie yourself down to whatever chair you’re sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.

For those of you that have your heads under rocks—which apparently isn’t the majority of this chapter—we have been bucking up in terms of nighttime events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu.

If you’re reading this right now saying to yourself, ‘OMG Becca! I’ve been having so much fun with my sisters this week,’ then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don’t have to fucking find you on campus and do it myself.

You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters. This week, I am not one of them! This week is about fostering relationships in the Greek community. And that’s not possible if you’re gonna stand around talking to each other.

Newsflash, stupid cunts: Frats don’t like boring sororities. Oh wait—double fucking newsflash: Sigma Nu is not gonna wanna hang out with us if we fucking suck. Which, by the way, in case you’re an idiot and need it spelled out for you: We fuckin’ suck so far.

This also applies to your little shits that have talked openly about post-gaming at a different frat in front of Sigma Nu brothers. Are you people fucking retarded? That’s not a rhetorical question. I literally want you to email me back telling me if you’re mentally slow so I can make sure you don’t go to any more nighttime events.

Is Sigma Nu set? Yeah, we are gonna invite Zeta over. Would you be happy? No, you wouldn’t. So why the fuck do you do it to them?

First of all, you shouldn’t be post-gaming at another frat. I don’t give a fuck if your boyfriend’s in it. You don’t go. You don’t go. And especially—you especially do fucking not convince other girls to leave with yo

Waaahh Beccaaaaaa! You say in your whining little bitch voice to your computer screen, ‘I’ve been cheering on our sports teams at all the sports. Doesn’t that count for something?’ No, you stupid fucking assholes. It fucking doesn’t.

Do you wanna know fucking why it doesn’t count? Because you have been fucking up at sober fucking events too. For example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like, ‘BLEEEH, what’s kickball?’ Well, it’s time someone told you: No one fucking likes that.

I will fuckin’ cunt punt the next person out here doing something like that. And I don’t give a fuck if you sorry me. I would fuckin’ assault you.”