By Larry Chiang
I try to be funny.
Well, if I am not funny at least I was educational. These may sound like jokes…, but every attempt at humor is law-based humor as per America’s FCRA (fair credit reporting act). Grinding out blog posts where you act, execute and note-take FCRA laws have met mixed results. Thus, I now mix in pictures of my ass and humor.
Enter, belfies
Let us look at belfies. Butt selfies. Belfies knowledge activate a hole in financial literacy (metaphorical pun intended #hole). Belfies are similar to credit reports that Experian, Trans Union and Equifax (herein referred to as #ExpTransFax). Belfies are you…, you taking a picture of your hind quarters exactly like the wake of credit data that you leave behind every month on #ExpTransFax.
The FICO grid is #ExpTransFax {Experian, Trans Union and Equifax} vs Time. See how I tied in the most mysterious financial metric *Fico* to a belfie?
Not. Photoshopped.
Thank you for your belfie pics that you text @6502838008
Seemingly simple, belfies go off the rails pretty fast. The definition of a belfie is a butt selfie. A selfie is a picture that you yourself take. A belfie is NOT
R2D2. Your R2D2 underwear makes me think of Stanford Engineering’s venture capital. Butt, it’s not a belfie
That’s not a #Belfie. That’s a selfie with no butt.
faux, #Belfie
REMEMBER, belfies are similar to credit reports that Experian, Trans Union and Equifax. So let us do what “Betty Sue” did and photoshop our butt
Let us make our butt bigger.
Let us make our Experian, Trans Union and Equifax bigger by adding positive information to it
Let us make our #ExpTransFax bigger by adding positive information to it
This is where blogging about FICO scores takes a pretty crazy turn…. You can jack up your FICO via Experian, Trans Union and Equifax by using Victoria’s Secret, secret shopping cart hack. Victoria’s has the most lenient and slutty credit standards. By slutty, I mean open to any inquiry and any credit score. Victoria’s will lend you $500 to buy bras because their COGS (cost of goods sold) is about $30 bucks for that $500 of product.
Victoria’s Box de la post office is #PObox16589. Ask me in person because I memorized this because it’s important!
Me and Betty Sue say… Pump in 24 months of ONTIME payments sent to PO Box 16589
Katherine’s life sucks because everyone thinks she got a butt job. She’s all natural!!!! She’s a Victoria’s Secret model.
Katherine’s picture reminds me to remind you that verrrrrry few people are just born with a FICO over 800, perfect boobs and zero stomach fat.
FTC disclosure: I learned of the Victoria Secret FICO score hack from Kenneth Lin’s #CreditKarma website.
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CEO of Duck9, Larry (@6502838008) |
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Thank you for stripping the PII (personally identifiable info) #Belfie cc @LarryChiang pic.twitter.com/RH2VPyb7zn
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Thank you for stripping the PII (personally identifiable info) #Belfie
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Larry Chiang (@LarryChiang) |
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CEO of Duck9, Larry (@6502838008) |
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“That’s not a #Belfie. That’s a selfie with no butt.”
—@LarryChiang {btw; Was this at #CCsd!? U look like my c :-] pic.twitter.com/oarWoYkiM5 |
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CEO of Duck9, Larry (@6502838008) |
Duck9 is a credit score prep program that is like a Kaplan or Princeton Review test preparation service. We don't teach beating the SAT, but we do get you to a higher credit FICO score using secret methods that have gotten us on TV, Congress and newspaper articles. Say hi or check out some of our free resources before you pay for a thing. You can also text the CEO:
