Gonna Hit $117,000,000 Of It Avoids $0

I work the graveyard shift at what’s left of GameStop.

The company was nationalized after the Fiat Collapse, rebranded as “State-Controlled Digital Collectible Exchange Center™.”

My entire job is scanning thousands of unsold Funko Pops, each one tagged with a government-issued Synthetic Value Index (SVI) for inventory audits.

I stand under flickering fluorescent lights while plastic eyes stare at me from pyramid stacks of Rick and Morty figurines.

But I can’t focus.

All I can think about is my stomach.

My fat, itchy, pale stomach pressing against the edge of my khakis, suffocating beneath my crusted red polo shirt.

I’m addicted to pizza rolls.

I eat them half frozen.

I don’t even microwave them anymore.

My taste buds are fried.

Every few minutes, I slip into the break room to suck down a bag of cold, gummy rolls while scratching the eczema flakes off my sweating gut.

The flakes land on the carpet – cheap gray felt that refuses to vacuum properly because the State-Issued Environmental Cleanse Unit™ lost suction six months ago.

The flakes pile up.

Tiny snowdrifts of my own rotting skin cells.

My boss notices.

She’s 41.

Divorced four times.

Neck tattoo of Tweety Bird.

Obese.

Permanently angry.

Every night she waddles out of her office, wheezing.

“You’re leaving the store a goddamn mess again, Trevor.”

I apologize while scratching my belly raw.

Bitcoin is $117,000,000.

I told everyone Bitcoin was “for nerds” in 2023.

Now Citadel billionaires live behind diamond-fortified bio-domes, harvesting atmospheric gold through plasma converters, while I itch myself bloody under flickering GameStop bulbs – scanning unsold toys that no child will ever buy.