By Larry Chiang
This will all sound like I’m joking but humor dilutes the cutting nature of my practice of saying truths. I’m not like a Penn State graduate assistant walking in on a Jerry Sandusky. He decided to hip pocket the truth of walking in on a 70yo sodomizin’ a 12 yo. Action. I err on the side of execution. I’m a truth telling teller and writing this is cathartic.
Now that I’ve put myself out to pasture (bull and heifer double entendre intended!), I thought I’d share with you my title, how things will turn out, what to pay attention to and what I learned whispering to women.
Think Cesar Milan for dog training, except upload into Cesar’s brain a 1,000 EQ, a few Paulo Coehlo books like “By the River of Puddy, I Sat Down and Wept”, along with 500 other books I read but focus it on fempreneurship. Vagina Whispering. It’s no where near politically correct but it’s oh-so-useful.
Problem: imposter syndrome, mentorship, networking, asking for vc money, distribution, attempting entrepreneurship, putting yourself out there. And imposter syndrome as it ties into EQ (emotional Quotient.)
[#1] I didn’t make Yelp so I feel like a fraud promoting it.
2007. Me Kenny and Luke are at a music festival. We are lit!!!! We see “Yelp” and we were like, “Hey isn’t that Russ and Jeremy’s deal?!
Because I was running point as alpha vagina whisperer, I stepped up to speak to the cadre of women holding Yelp schwagg but saying nearly nothing as they were sitting down.
The average man would think they had “eff U” stamped on their forehead. But, remember I trained for years as an NLP expert. Neurolinguistic protocols are the foundation for mapping minds and laying down (sextuple entendre, intended) a basis for a conversation. The Yelp holders-of-schwag in the form of fans, lip balm and keychains said, “We didn’t make Yelp so I feel like a fraud promoting it”
Text me your immediate word-associated thoughts via FB messager now!
didn’t make Yelp so you feel like a fraud promoting it!?!
Aside from the fact you’re getting paid to promote at an Austin City Limits booth…, this mental barrier is one of the moist common reasons we females fail to get distribution deals. Pre-entrepreneurship is centered around getting confidence selling stuff that we as female CS majors did-not-code.
Smells like a fraud.
History is littered with things that seem like a massive fraud at first. It’s because starting to start is nearly impossible. Once you are legendary, titans rewrite history. I could just bury how me and two paypal cofounders were the tipping point of Yelp. I could just say “viral”. But, the truth is a lot more dirty than Distribution experts care to admit. Getting females to attempt distribution with a CS degree from a top 75 college like Stanford and Yale is not simple. It’s hard.
Networking —
Is there ever a worst thing to say that you are good at?!? Embrace.
DO YOU THINK I LIKE TO BE BRANDED AS vaJayJay whisperer!?!
Embrace the troll armies and redirect the energy. Let’s embrace the nitty-gritty-of-why-as-women-we-don’t-network-as-much-as-we-should-with-our-Yale-undergrad-and-stage-1-early-gsb-admit: “We are afraid of the very real specter of sexual harassment and often meet people who monopolize our time because of sexual intentions. “
Let me repeat that: people at networking events that are male are kinda looking to bang everything. I came up with 11 networking countermeasures as an advanced form of self defense Jiu jutsu that’s physical, charming and verbal.
Networking countermeasure 1– extricating yourself from a conversation that’s turning romantic.
I can’t tell you how many times I am at a QBR (Qtrly Biz Review) or CSS {credit strategies seminar}, and then a Hail Mary comes outta nowhere about something very sexually charged when were just talking about credit and credit risk. Ignoring a sexual advance WHILE STAYING STILL AND FREEZING is probably the worse thing you can do after getting hit on at a networking event. It’s almost like ‘star-fishing’.
Networking countermeasure 1 is separate-extend-escape.
This is how it works. Invert the genders unless you too are a 6′ 5″ super hot supermodel who studied engineering and is now provocatively dressed as a naughty santa…
[woman says sex innuendo]
Larry Chiang: “stranger danger!”
Note: you can’t say creep.
Laugh!! And walk away with a compliment….
“That’s adorble but also mega innapropriate. Still besties, THOUGH!! [shoot a EFF U glare. SEND A GLARE that SENDS THE MESAAGE IF YOU DONT APOLOGIZE IMMMA HAVE LARRY chiang KILL YOU AND IMPALE HIS SMALL PENIS 75 cm into YOUR EARHOLE” USE YOUR EYES AND VOICE TONALITY TO CONVEY YOU WILL NOT BE RAPED EASILY
Let us break down the separate-extend-escape maneuver. Remember in our rape self defense training classes, we are taught to stun our would be attacker IF POSSIBLE. Attacks at networking events always come
1/ verbal atrocity first.
2/ then more bad behavior.
No female just rapes me on the dance floor that I was first on with zero provocation.
LET ME REPEAT, THE VERBAL ABUSE AND VERBAL ATTACK COMES PRIOR
No males just physically encroaches at a professional networking scenario without running verbal offense first. Let me repeat. Prior to getting a Dick pic sent to your linked in, they’re gonna need your first and last name. Prior to every hard sexual solicit IRL is a series of what I call “micro sexual aggressions”
separate. extend. escape.
Networking countermeasure 2– the hotel meet and greet. If it must be in the suite, the DOOR MUST STAY OPEN. Look, I understand that the lobby is chock full of losers without a Sundance badge and no St Regis hotel key…, but hotel meet and greets are tricky.
In the LEO industry, the hotel room is what Local law Enforcement Officer calls “crime scene number #3”. The key as a rape victim is to stay at crime scene #2. Ideally crime scene number 1. #3 sucks.
As a man, if I’m getting overpowered by Teo women, I override the blood circulation units sending blood away from my penis into my hands, feet and polars. I also drop my heart rate like I am meditating. I can almost simulate roofie-ing myself so if these two women rape me, I’m just a 212 pound starfish inverted with a non existent and absent penis barely showing a pulse (literally). MIND OVER MATTER. SPLIT DISSOCIATE. if your body can’t be extracated…, at least mentally escape.
Reading a character when you’re networking will help. So this leads me to…
Networking countermeasure 3: Interrogating.
So effen often, women just sit back and get asked questions. What do you do. When was Yale. What neighborhood do you live. We need to get wayyyyy better at ‘open field interrogation‘. Step one is to get out of our own heads and just truly listen. John Reid is my interrogation mentor. I’d read his stuff. Listening is 99% of it. Your intuition can be accessed if we as women get out of our own head and into their penis-driven brain
Networking countermeasure 4: put a high price on yourself.
We as women sometimes just give it all away and don’t ask for what we are worth. Salaries! We don’t get what we deserved in this world. We get what we interrogate and negotiate for.
This reminds me to now ask an ask of you…. 😉
This was my emotional transition from nobody to “3rd Institution of Silicon Valley”. I hope you connect the simiLarryTy in patterns where an Asian male super-hawt-person-people-wanna-bang is soooooo verrry similar to issues women face
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