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In The Media

VCs De La Charm

by Larry Chiang on April 10, 2014

By Larry Chiang 

Larry Chiang (@LarryChiang)
The Secret Language to Charm VCs Using Language Patterns That S-E-D-U-C-E

VCs love:

– sequels. So say, “this product is a natural extension of…”
– open declarations. So say, “it’s all about blocking and tackling from here on out”
– pre-existing team. So say, “We have a pre existing team”
– VCs love distribution. So say, “Listen you li’l bitch. We have DISTRIBUTION. Maybe we can help one of your portfolio companies in our same space”
Then study Gua Gua Guacamole 
– VCs love self funded entities. So say, “funding isn’t going to help. It’s a distraction. We’re gonna ENGR145 it.
– VCs love connected concepts. So say, “All we did was DJ the dropBox API to Duck9’s leadGen score system and wallah: Ga Ga Guaranteed revenue. 
VCs love MBA phrases spit out by engineers. So say as a Berkeley engineer, “We are CTCFTR-ing”
VCs love douchie engineers that promote like a Miami club promoter. So say, “Sorry I sound car salesman-like. But I’ve an Elmendorf award. A Josh Silver, Silver Award. #1 in Engineering. You should google my awards given to UIUC. Do u even know where that is!?”
Then walk away.
Let VCs be like the popular girls in high school. VCs wanna invest in things they gotta chase down.
If you’re sitting there in their bullpen pitching, you’re not doing it right.
Download the best of Larry Chiang by texting my cell. It’s below.

ENGR145’s Anchor Concept: Lemonade and Gua Gua Guacamole 
It moves you to the right on the entrepreneur bell curve 
CEO of Duck9
Stanford University Entrepreneur in Residence, Emeritus
Duck9 = “Deep Underground Credit Knowledge” 9
125 University Avenue/ 100
Palo Alto CA 94301
650-566-9696 (direct)
650-283-8008 (cell)
Editor of the BusinessWeek Channel “What They Don’t Teach at Business School”
Read my last 10 tweets at
Author, NY Times Bestseller
“What They Will NEVER Teach You at Stanford Business School” comes out 11-11-14
52 Cards. Two Jokers. What They DO Teach You at Stanford Engineering
Emergency swings and cutting deals as an 9 year old
Duck9 is part of UCMS Inc.

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