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Dear Supposed Asian Relative Who Needs a Recommendation Letter

by Larry Chiang on October 24, 2013

By Larry Chiang I don’t write recommendation letters, I write blog posts. It doesn’t matter that we are related, I’m not advocating you into a college. As my relative, you know that we Chiang’s do not do that. But as your kinda older cousin, I will mentor you (mentor you via a blog post not an awkward Chinatown lunch in Oakland— SO YUMMY THO!) If you are looking for a secret, silver bullet introduction, I’m sure those do not exist. What I am sure of is that there as a “super student” that Stanford not only will happily admit u…, it will EVEN GO SO FAR AS TO RECRUIT you. Let me stress and repeat: Stanford might actually call to seek out your 10th / 11th grader. First of all, they’re looking at Asian kids from Asia. Close to one third of the admit class will come from Asia. This isn’t what I’m talking about here. This is a bit of bad news as you, “my relative” are here (in America). Begin LARRY CHIANG advice: If you are ABC like me, you’d better play a varsity sport in your 9th grade (latest 10th grade). You must get perfect grades 9th grade, 10th grade & 11th grade. You, as my supposed, alleged, purported relative already have been hammering home entrepreneurship lessons. Put. That. Violin. Down. It’s sports. Its perfect grades/scores. It’s entrepreneurship. Entrepreneurship is tantamount for admitance right now. As an eight grade graduate, I’d enroll your spawn in to ENGR 145. It’s a high school student friendly class. It teaches the exact core curriculum as regular E145. Yes, there are grad students that take it in the summer too. Yes it is in the summer (June 25 – Aug 5 appx!) call to action #1 of FIVE: call to action #2 of FIVE My Stanford Engineering video is 9:59 and introduces PHRASES YOU MUST GOOGLE and moves you, the quasi relative who’s 15, to the right on the entrepreneur bell curve call to action #3 of FIVE Your kid who is in the 9th grade or older actually isn’t allowed to speak to me because of NCAA booster rules. A booster is like an athletic supporter. Not like for your giggleberries, but an athletic supporter of athletes. I can, however publicly post an FAQ And a Facebook game that previous high school students They played this entrepreneur game when they were high school students and now they go to MIT. It’s a backup to Stanford. call to action #4 of FIVE Apply for a get into an elite summer sports camp at Stanford like for baseball or basketball. Have my li’l cousin kiss coach butt by TAKING NOTES IN A MOLESKIN OR A THREE RING BINDER. Remember, everyone thinks the 5’11, 11 year old is a dull tool because GROWING SO FAST MAKES YOU TALK SO SLOW. ALSO, DON’T BE ASIAN AND SKIMP ON SPORTING GOODS SUPPLYS You wouldn’t send my relative to calculass class with half a textbook and a sticky abacus— WOULD YOU? Buy em a about a grand of stuff Remember piano lessons don’t help you get admitted. Being recruited by an athletic coach does. If you’re related to me and 9 years old… Youre effen in luck HEY UNCLE LARRY didnt you go to University of Illinois? Yes. Yes I did. What’s your point? Look, if you don’t know about my being a high school (sports) hero, college zero, then there is zero way we are related call to action #5 of FIVE Read my mentors book. I read WTDTYAHBS when I was in high school. It helped me start an SAT/ACT prep class in Naperville at Nichols library (it’s the home of the original business incubator that accelerator’d me and Tony Hsieh Oh yeah. Buy Mr Tony’s book too. If you don’t know who my mentor is, there is zero way that we are related. Btw, if you’re my Mexican nephew from another auntie, I’m Mexican too Btw, if you’re my Black nephew from another auntie, I’m sure you’re partially Asian too Btw, if you’re my Korean nephew from another auntie, I’m sure you’ll play the Asian card, so we are all good too No disclosures required as I don’t make money selling you, my “relative” on a class at Stanfurdh or a sports camp at Stanford call to action #6 of FIVE: Watch and master You see, even though I say an MBA is required, know that a really smart 9th grader good at math and science, could ace an MBA Remember. Finance 254 is like calculus for retards. Accounting is literally adding and subtracting with a light dusting of decimals. OB is like being a super good kindergarden babysitter. Marketing is like Huckelberry Finn-shit. You, as the 14 year old reading this are as technically smart as me already. Just not as experienced. You as the 14 year old reading this shouldn’t be intimidated by anything in Silicon Valley. It’s easy. 99% of the gen pop won’t read this far. 99% of the gen pop won’t read or study videos and google phrases. Remember, you are a Chiang. You ancestors. Our ancestors were raped of their businesses. Re building a business is easy. Building a business is easy Silicon Valley is easy compared with the torture of growing up a Chiang. For example – Learning about the debt we owe for eating – learning how interest works at 6 – having to budget lunch money – squirreling away nutter butters – preferred stock versus participating preferred versus debt for your lemonade stand – Cartoon comic book subsidies versus Chinese mueh xieh – risk reward and the #RMRMRE system. – Self funding anything – buying beer when you’re 5’11” and 11 years old because your Asian parents though shaving accelerates puberty so now you’re an 11 year old with a full mustache buying cases of Miller Lite cans and selling them to 15 year olds for a buck a can. – self funding baseball camp REMEMBER, the things you partially pay for as a 13/14 year old are the things you value Dont pay me, your Uncle Larry. Pay your parents by sending them some kind of thank you gift Youre welcome for the new new way to get into Stanford for the class of 2020. CEO of Duck9 MIT University EIR (Entrepreneur in Residence) Duck9 = “Deep Underground Credit Knowledge” 9 125 University Avenue/ 100 Palo Alto CA 94301 650-566-9600 650-566-9696 (direct) 650-283-8008 (cell) **************** Editor of the BusinessWeek Channel “What They Don’t Teach at Business School” CNN Video Channel: Read my last 10 tweets at Author, NY Times Bestseller “What They Will NEVER Teach You at Stanford Business School” comes out 11-11-14 52 Cards. Two Jokers. What They DO Teach You at Stanford Engineering Emergency swings and cutting deals as an 9 year old ########## Duck9 is part of UCMS Inc. 630-705-5555 More on #ENGR145’s SHIFTING right on the entrepreneur bell curve

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