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In The Media

How to Hack Winning a Bachelor Auction

by Larry Chiang on April 29, 2012

By Larry Chiang

Friday May 11th at Broadway Studios, women are going to host me and sell me. Yes, they’re doing a bachelor auction.

Do you know who wins in a bachelor auction?! The kids. Do you know what gets lost?! Dignity. Check your ego at the door because you may be the hottest thing on the red carpet at the Oscars, you might be #1 in entrepreneurship education and you arguably are the most entrepreneurial venture capitalist… but set all that aside because you might come in dead last in a date auction.

I’ve been dead last before and I’m still recovering. I’m not referring to the Guardsman auction last year… I am talking about the Los Angeles one hosted at St Regis. It went so poorly, I had the St Regis torn down. True story. There is a Westin there now.

I’m not copy pasting my Guardsman bio:

Larry doesn’t like to brag, so we will do that for him.

Besides being a super model, Larry became a millionaire in college by starting his own business, and he still was able to make deans list in the engineering school and was a member of the baseball team.

After college, Larry took his good looks and charm to fashion industry where he was a model and fashion host. Larry is fashion week’s triple threat where he has been on the runway, co-hosted a fundraiser ‘under the tents’ at Lincoln Square and launched a NY Times bestseller at Mercedes Benz Fashion Week.

He is also the only male model to have testified before both Congress and the World Bank as a credit card, FICO score credit expert.

Larry is now the CEO of his own consumer credit card payment company and is the author of the upcoming book “What They Will NEVER Teach You at Stanford Business School”. He is also a featured writer who stories have appeared in Business Week and TechCrunch. When he’s not working or writing, Larry is teaching an entrepreneurship class at Stanford and is a featured guest speaker at events across the country.

Larry grew up in Illinois and moved to the Bay Area about 10 years ago where he now plans on living. Although he has accomplished a lot, he’s still missing the one women to spend the rest of his life with. If you’re looking for a person that can take you behind the scenes at Fashion Week while engaging in intellectual conversation, then Larry is your man.

Remember, I’m the guy who copy pasted pretty much an entire book because I understand copyright law. Attribution baby!

This is what they don’t teach you on ABCs ‘The Bachelor’: Reverse BIO.

I am doing a reverse bio. That’s how to hack winning a bachelor auction. A reverse bio isn’t about Larry Chiang. It’s about YOU the reader and potential bidder.

#### Larry Chiang reverse bio START ####

Hi there I’m Larry Chiang.

This is a reverse bio. There’s plenty on the inter-webs about me. One website, called Quora, actually called me the ‘Paris Hilton of Silicon Valley’. This reverse bio is about YOU. You are buying me so let’s hope it’s about you, right?!

First, let me say you are beautiful. You’ll find someone either at this party, my hosted afterparty, or somewhere. I’m a connector. Not only do I do the Malcolm Gladwell people connection, I DJ up and introduce two conferences with each other.

Ideally, your parents are still married and your father is an alpha, alpha male. Even though he is awkwardly good looking– he actually matured, doesnt live life between his legs and is faithful to your mother. He doesn’t think banging just one more ‘keeps him young’. Your father is a stud but he is super beta in the house (he cooks too?!?! So cray cray because I COOK TOO!!). Outside of the house your father ebbs and flows easily between delta male and alpha male. Your father is CHARMING.

You may or may not be considering grad school or you might be a resident. That’s cool because I’ll just teach where you go. Right now I teach at Stanford. It’s “What They DO Teach You at Stanford Engineering”. Remember, I’m a VC here in silicon valley so if you get into school in Stanford, Chicago GSB, Northwestern Hospital or Boston, I’ll make that work when we are engaged. I’m an EIR at MIT too. I co-founded three active franchises at Massachussets Institute of Technology. I may not know how to spell mass-chew-sets, but I solved 33 years of entrepreneurial woes with 22 pieces of my perfectly heat-transferred French toast. Google “Larry Chiang 22 French toast MIT”. I also did a stand-up routine: the “Tom Chiang Engineer to Entrepreneur Transformation”. I’m hiLarryAss to be able to say my fathers first name to his face and have him crack up. My Shanghai-nese ancestors are entertained. Thats China if you went to New Trier.

I look forward to pre-partying with you after you purchase a VIP ticket. We will have plenty of time to hang out and get to know each other.

Oh, for work I started a company in my dorm room. I scaled it without VC. I wanna be like Kauffman. Like Kauffman center for VC education Kauffman. Kauffman was a bed-ridden when he was a child, read a 1000 books and built a company with no VC. The Kansas City Royals baseball stadium is named after him. I was never bed ridden but I game simulated that like Flight Simulator. Except my video game is in the real world. I’m a 6’5″ Asian dude in a video game to: Dead Rising! It got me NFL athlete cred to star as a cow throwing entrepreneur villain that actually dies peacefully.

Oh your last name. Yeah, it’s weird for you as a white girl to have the last name, “Chiang”. But remember. Look at all the other white dudes on the bachelor line-up. I’m whiter than all of them (combined) and my last name is Chiang. So, it’s all good.

One last thing. If you bid more than $30,000.oo, I’ll take you on a 48 hour date to Mercedes Benz Fashion Week in NYC. You’ll fly private. (No, it’s not my jet yet. It’s my mentors.) I call it the “Gossip Girls Celebrity Experience”. There’s video on YouTube documenting IMG’s Fashion Week’s experience.

#### REVERSE bio END ####

Come as my special guest

I am not going to copy-paste-augment a non Guardsman, guardsman bio

Hi, Im Larry Chiang

Besides being a supermodel, I became a millionaire in college by starting a business because I read a good, good entrepreneur book that my mentor wrote.

I still was able to make deans list in the engineering school, play on the baseball team, write at the Daily Illini, officer my fraternity and model.

After college, I took my good looks and charm to the fashion industry 26 grueling days per year where I model and host. I am mbfw’s New York Fashion Week’s triple threat where I’ve been on the runway, co-hosted a fundraiser ‘under the tents’ at Lincoln Square and launched a NY Times bestseller at Mercedes Benz Fashion Week.

I am also the only male super model to have testified before both Congress and the World Bank as a credit card, FICO score credit expert. I speak so often at credit industry functions that I turn my keynotes into standup comedy where I drop eff bombs. For example, at the revered American Bankers Ass National Conference, I gave the talk, “What a Supermodel Can Teach a Bank President About Credit”. I even put nudity in my slides.

Did I get fired?!

Nope, still CEO. I’m author of the upcoming NY Times bestselling book “What They Will NEVER Teach You at Stanford Business School”. It’s a copy paste of my mentors book. I write at CNN, Yahoo and TechCrunch. I teach an entrepreneurship class at Stanford called ENGR 145. Everyone assumes I’ve slept with a student. Did Jesus bang his hooker BFF?! Remember, I wrote Chapter 7 of my book. The sex chapter. The lead-off quote is:

You can always lose money chasing ass. You can never lose ass chasing money.

In Jesus’s case, he never banged on the road. If he did he’d be a cliche and not the person who mentored 12 dudes who all thought upside down crucifixion was better than selling out. Pontius Pilate died a fan of the man Jesus. Yes I’m using this here bio to get a film deal. ProsperAss. I have an entire screenplay pitch and movie promotion plan inside of my book. Think of me like Tim Ferris. But whiter. Think of me like Ramit Sethi, but dirtier. Think of me like R2D2, but more talkative.

I grew up in Illinois and moved to the Bay Area about 10 years ago where I plan on living. Although I’ve accomplished a lot, I can still eff my life up by picking the wrong woman to spend the rest of my life with. If you are looking for a person that can take you behind the scenes at Fashion Week and engage in intellectual conversation, then scroll down below.

#### non Guardsman, guardsman bio END ####

General Admission Includes:

* 1 hour of full open bar * Hosted hors d’oeuvres * 2 Raffle Tickets

VIP Tables Include:

* VIP Table with Reserved Seating for 5 * Champagne bottle service on arrival * Hot, Gourmet Hors D’oeuvres * 10 Raffle Tickets

PLUS… * 1 hour Full Open Bar * One-on-One time with our Bachelors & Bachelorettes * VIP Entrance and Private Bar

Limited Availability

#### Buy me over the phone #### I’ll be taking text message bids

The minimum you need to park in internal escrow is $10k. If you dont know what “internal escrow” is google

Larry Chiang internal escrow

#### Buy it now Price = $75,000 ####

You know how we VCs get the best deals?! We buy seed stage stock before it ever goes to market.

Well, I’m going to market. You can buy me now and not take a chance on losing me at an auction.

Think $75k is too much money?

It’s like buying a guaranteed lottery ticket that doesn’t cheat on you. What’s really good news is that me, my wealth, my income stream doesn’t come attached with a pre-nuptial. Trust me. If we get divorced, it’ll be my fault not yours. And if we have four kids. You should keep all the existing assets. I’ll just go make more. You can even have my high school car that’s in my garage right now. Think of it as deal insurance in case our marriage goes south.

Secretariat never went on auction. Think about it.


I cook for dudes. Alpha male dudes fly me places to cook for them.

You know Dexter the serial killer?! He kills without leaving a trace. That’s how I BBQ. I’m BBQ ing at Moscone. April 28th. Baseball diamond. 4:30-5:00. No afterparty. HARDSTOP at 5:00. Pre-party at 4:20pm, Saturday. April 28th.

CEO of Duck9 Stanford University EIR (Entrepreneur in Residence)

Duck9 = Deep Underground Credit Knowledge 9 125 University Avenue/ 100 Palo Alto CA 94301 650-566-9600 650-566-9696 (direct) 650-283-8008 (cell)

**************** Editor of the BusinessWeek Channel “What They Don’t Teach at Business School” CNN Video Channel:

Read my last 10 tweets at

Author, NY Times Bestseller

“What They Will NEVER Teach You at Stanford Business School” comes out 11-11-12

########## Duck9 is part of UCMS Inc. 630-705-5555

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