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The Keynote You’ll Never Hear at YC Stanford Startup School.

by Larry Chiang on October 1, 2012

By Larry Chiang

“Thank you for inviting me here and being part of Stanford BASES’ and YC’s Startup School.

My keynote here is meant to be interactive so text me anytime on my 650-283-8008 cell.

We just all sat through a VC talking about “Going big or going home”. She’s saying swing for the fences while you’re an engineer and an undergrad. The underlying theory is fail while you’re young and without responsibility.

Eff no!

I studied engineering at a school that made me cry because I was handed Asian F’s all-the-time. It’s also known as a “B+/A-“. Engineering was downright hard so I’ll be a panda bear’s nephew if I’m going to take a chance & “roll the dice”. Rolling die and playing craps is uncertain. ‘Bringing down the house’ was done by engineers who did versus VCs who didn’t.

In ENGR 145 I taught engineers to – Risk Minimize – Risk Mitigate – Risk Eliminate

You do so as an engineering co-founder by – Pattern Recognizing – Pattern Replicating – Pattern Iterating

I sum up the entire class w a 9:59 video but the essence equals NEVER TAKE A RISK IN ENTREPRENEURSHIP.

You’re sitting there in those seats and analyzing. I say leverage startup school to NEVER TAKE A RISK IN ENTREPRENEURSHIP. Think of it as “Engineering Entrepreneurship Education for CS Majors to Maybe Never Be a Founder”. Yeah, I know, it mimics my MIT program at Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Engineering Entrepreneurship Education for Engineers Who May Never Ever Be a Founder.

Here is how:

-1- Be a (co) founder of a franchise concept at your school. For example I started “Caucasian Engineers of America” at Cal. The key is to spend less than 5 hrs per month founding something.

I see some of you guys checking out mentally so here is something worth your entire price of admission:

-2- Start a sequel concept that you sell before you graduate.

Sequel, mini company concepts are at the heart of my ENGR 145’s ‘Ga Ga Guaranteed Exits 2013’. You, as an engineer, can start and sell one.

Here is an amazing stat: 50% of exits listed on people’s bios are utter bull shitake.

Starting, building and selling something using the knowledge from “Ga Ga Guaranteed Exits 2013” under ENGR 145 is entirely possible. You take a previously brainstormed concept* and you

#3) #EUBM. Engineer Up a Business Model.

Notice I did not say “dream up a passion”. Do what Mark Cuban blogged and “do not follow your passion, follow your effort”.

Back to #EUBM.

Engineers can Engineer Up a Business Model. It works super simply.

Find an old dude executive who doesn’t understand tech that is rich and has a $300k problem.

Again, we want to clearly identify a “seasoned executive” and get him to reveal a $300k problem. Old rich people can be whispered to like how Cesar Milan, dog whisperer, trains old dogs. In the same way that pick-up artists use NLP, so will all y’all


NLP stands for neuro linguistic programming. This is what my mentor, Mark McCormack taught me. I will mentor you in a recipe of minutiae as to how to EUBM up a LCMCC (Larry Chiang Mini Company Concept).

As soon as I said EUBM up a LCMCC, I could literally feel 98+% of all y’all check out.

For the 2%, here is my cell phone to write down (650-283-8008) and 23 step recipe EUBM up a LCMCC

************** Recipe for EUBM-ing up a LCMCC **************

EUBM up a LCMCC. 1- Gather up two other engineers as co-founders. 2- Crash an industry party or conference convention (Recipe = 3- Buy a moleskin for each co-founder 4- Meet old people at VC parties 5- when old person talks, whip out your moleskin 6- Put pen to paper and scream CAN YOU REPEAT THAT often 7- Remember that old people literally are deaf. 8- Take notes of every little thing they say. 9- Ask CAN YOU THINK OF A MILLION DOLLAR PROBLEM 10- Talk to at least 35 old rich people here in Silicon Valley. Meet 2-10 later at my YCSS / LCSASU afterparty 9:50pm at 125 Third St, SF CA 11- Follow up via email w all by emailing: SUBJ: your name / 630-705-5555 / VC BBQ invite : Body: “hi PG, I’d this your best email address” 12- Confirm the $300k problem via a request for a 7-10 minute phone call week after next. Old people like phone. Old people like week after next Rich old people are always on “packed before their vacation next week. 13- Execute LCRRM 14- Step one of LCRRM is to reclarify basic uber simple problem 15- Old people are majorly retarded when it comes to tech. 16- Step two of LCRRM is to do a one-way letter of intent. (THIS ENTREPRENEUR TIP IS WORTH THE COST OF ONE YEAR OF TUITION BITCHES. YOU’RE WELCOME)

One way letter of intent leverages 17- Internal Escrow. The money never leaves the old persons hands until their $300k problem is solved 18- Explain what internal escrow is. 19- Re-Explain what internal escrow is but louder. Expect old person to be massively impressed that an engineer can engineer up a solution with zero risk 20- Execute the milestones associated to your one-way letter of intent and internal escrow. You’ve now mastered LCRRM 21- Draft up and Slideshare up a preso called “How to do what Duck9 does without having to hire Duck9” and speak at conferences 22- Old rich people make decisions in packs and once an old dude has paid you for a tech solution, the next old dude you don’t have to do “internal escrow” 23- Get a waitlist of people wanting to buy your retarded simple solution. 24- Cash checks 25- Talk smack yes, but do not go full douchebag and pass the mentorship along. So yes, teach EUBM up a LCMCC.

Master EUBM up a LCMCC and you will join me on the right side of the bell curve

To summarize my BASES keynote… – Risk Minimize – Risk Mitigate – Risk Eliminate

By – Pattern Recognizing (with your mentor) – Pattern Replicating – Pattern Iterating

Execute pattern replication and pattern iteration with 13 recipes.

You may have heard of them as Gua Gua Guacamole recipes. Yes, it’s a prequel to Ga Ga Guaranteed Exits 2013

No, I can’t explain them because I am out of time. It was nice to meet you via this two-way keynote here at Memorial Auditorium. Let’s continue the interaction via the comments down below

End article.


ENGR145’s Anchor Concept: Lemonade and Gua Gua Guacamole

It moves you to the right on the entrepreneur bell curve

CEO of Duck9 Founding Stanford University EIR (Entrepreneur in Residence) Emeritus

Duck9 = “Deep Underground Credit Knowledge” 9 125 University Avenue/ 100 Palo Alto CA 94301 650-566-9600 650-566-9696 (direct) 650-283-8008 (cell)

**************** Editor of the BusinessWeek Channel “What They Don’t Teach at Business School” CNN Video Channel:

Read my last 10 tweets at

Author, NY Times Bestseller

“What They Will NEVER Teach You at Stanford Business School” comes out 11-11-14

52 Cards. Two Jokers. What They DO Teach You at Stanford Engineering

Emergency swings and cutting deals as an 9 year old

########## Duck9 is part of UCMS Inc. 630-705-5555

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