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In The Media

Girlie Boy Says

by Larry Chiang on April 2, 2014

Heyyy Christina Kay,

Ok so while I will publicly blog my “party thesis”, I will email it to you, too. The party theorem I’m referring to is = Me, as a girlie boy understands that on weekends, we have zero tolerance for any basis point of failure

You love the finance parallel of basis points dontcha, you mint-dot-com-luvin finny fin dork. Btw, I’m shirtless as I write you in an Aaron Patzer, shirtless-in-Austin while my VC holds my shirt kinda way. Aaron climbs trees shirtless. I blog. Here is an analyst look-in, into the mind of a girl boy, as a girlie boy…

/1/ Risk mitigator.

The reason he went to the school that we went to is because – we hate risk, – we have delayed gratification, – we girlie boys wanted a great job and – we hated risk and rejection. I know I said risk minimization twice. But I wanted to stress that. Talking to you, the super hawt girl, not only is INTIMIDATING, but also fraught with risk. Talking to you and having it go badly could ruin a month. Failure is not water off a duck’s back. Failure is best done in secret Failing forward is Larry Chiang’s chapter 11 WTDTYASBS, but few academically smart girlie boys seek to also be “Street smart” (notice how I show off my 770 SAT verbal score by acing the “not only… , but also…” sentence structure 🙂 This is not my first HBS worthy piece of writing

/2/ Risk elimination at a party.

There is the smallest, tightest window of sobriety at a Saturday night party. It’s the sweet spot when we as girlie boys aren’t too hammered but still slightly TOO AWARE we are talking to a girl outta our league (sober). During this small window, we as hot women

– Should do the proximity wedge in*
– Should have a wing person facilitator*
– Should be able to wrangle ourselves away from d-a-n-g-e-r.
– Should gain social proof on our own and not rely on a Larry Chiang, alpha male hug that anoints us as bang-worthy*
– Should absolutely lead in social interaction. * Obvi! This last point, “should absolutely lead in social interaction” leads to

/3/ Specific Girlie Boy Recognition.

Gawd, just because I’m CEO at work. Sit on boards. Boss around alpha males. Speak to world leaders. None of these things make me less of a girlie boy. They make me more girlie. Not Bill Gurley girlie. Girlie like Larry Chiang, girlie

/4/ Specific Girlie Boy Management.

Typical hot girls will make fun of a 6’5″, 222lb, professional engineer who also professionally models who also semi-professionally plays baseball. Do not be the cliche hawt girl with this specific flaw. This specific flaw is in bringing down guys so that we feel like they should be chasing us. The specific flaw is being semi smart-mouthed. The specific flaw is the opposite of charming them, the girlie boys.

Instead, manage my girlie boy ass by
– Offering a clear simple compliment*
– Offering a baseline friendship**
– Charming us girlie boys
– Setting up an in-party date**
** repeat after me: “We are gonna be friends right?! I’m gonna go pee and I’ll meet you at the bar in 15 min. For goodness sakes, when you’re at the bar in 12 min and there is a new different guy jocking u, FOR GOODNESS SAKES SHOULDER SURF THE GUY AND LOOK FOR US SHY GIRLIE BOYS WHO ARE HAVING AN IMPLOSION AND MENTAL YARD SALE BC EEK “you’re being talked to by another guy.”

As a marina hot girl, you’re gonna have to come find me crumpled in the corner. Self medicating with my Moxie Mule. Its 50-50 ginger ale and Ginger beer

/5/ Specific Girlie Boy Recovery

To marina boy crumpled in the corner, you, Christina Kay, the marina hot girl, say: “WAY TO LEAVE ME WITH THE GRENADE AT THE BAR. jerk!” You might have to bust in on girlie boy with 3-7 of his girlie boy friends re-hashing. Theyre re hashing you. Christina Kay, u say, “Way to leave me hanging at the bar. I said 15 min. Meet me at THE BAR.”

He, girlie boy, says <<#Stammers>>

Christina Kay, u say, “Look, take down my email. Text me and we will meet in a non bar. Bar.”

He, girlie boy, MIGHT say: “Give me your number”

Christina Kay, u THEN say, “My PDA gets email. So let’s start with that”

He, girlie boy, MIGHT say in an emboldened state: “Come home with me now?”. He’s NOT BEING A DICK. HE ISN’T A JERK. HE ISN’T A PLAYER. IT JUST THAT YOU’RE HIS DREAM AND HE’S INNEBRIATED FROM HIS MOXIE MULE

Christina Kay, u say, “I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Goodnight.” Then separate, extend and escape.

If he, girlie boy, says anything along the lines of hanging out more *tonight* dimpley state, “I’m meeting up with my friend LARRY CHIANG.” Wait for his gut check. Then Christina Kay, u say, “We are catching up in a group over dim sum hong kong. I’m Asian like that” All white girlie boys have Asian friends cuz that’s what is at the highest levels of professionals across the board. Lever that in a “open field interrogation” kinda way. You’re specifically looking for whether he listens.

Christina Kay, u say, “Text my email and we can meet for ‘Chinese’ ”

Then Separate Extend Escape As a girlie boy I’ve countermeasures for when someone gets rape-y. It’s a separate post, but in short it’s verbal self defense FIRST, smartphone 911 /call to me, Larry Chiang. And a complete change of state Back on focus. Girlie boy management. A girlie boy who does well at work simply isn’t wired to network and talk in the real world. By reverse engineering the mind-set of girlie boys, you can get access to deal flow. By deal flow, I mean guys. Good guys with good jobs aren’t wired to pick up on women. YOU KNOW YOUVE AGGRESSIVE GIRL FRIENDS WHO GET GUYS OUTTA THEIR LEAGUE BECAUSE THEY TAKE THE RISK OUT OF WEEKENDS FOR GIRLIE BOYS. At work, they get talked to. At work, they get pitched. At work, they’re THE MAN. Even though girlie boy is a huge pussy in the bar, his FICO score is impeccable. His career could be stratospheric.

Christina Kay, grab his email and I’ll run my dating algorithm to see
– If he reads books
– If he works
– Whether he has alias and multiple identities
– What his *approximate* FICO score is
– Zip code volatility
– Cellphone number underwritten
– Is the bank account connected to his real name and is there direct-deposit JK
– No, I’m not kidding.
– Every social network.
– Specific age
– How he online dates and whether he uses a credit card that matches zip code
– Job volatility
– Appx stability in relationship
– Appx stability in relationship family
– Appx stability in banking relationship
– Appx stability in dining patterns (jk)
– No, I’m not kidding.
– Appx stability in drug store relationship JK
– Appx stability of the brain
– Appx stability in car financing relationship
– Appx stability in student loans these are all USA law compliant. Dick Durbin (D-IL) might raise an eyebrow, but I’m thankful he relied on my credit vision in passing HR627. The Credit Card, Card ACT. I luv FCRA FCBA

P.S. me you and Camille should be at New York Fashion Week (NYFW) Sept 3-14. I can’t promise front row
Oh but I can promise front row! What A Super Model Can Teach a Harvard MBA About Credit American Express’ Under-Promoted Credit Truths at Mercedes Benz Fashion Week (MBFW)” My Stanford Engineering video boils down 20,000 hours and moves you to the right on the entrepreneur bell curve

CEO of Duck9 MIT University EIR (Entrepreneur in Residence) Duck9 = “Deep Underground Credit Knowledge” 9 125 University Avenue/ 100 Palo Alto CA 94301 650-566-9600 650-566-9696 (direct) 650-283-8008 (cell) **************** Editor of the BusinessWeek Channel “What They Don’t Teach at Business School” CNN Video Channel: Read my last 10 tweets at Author, NY Times Bestseller “What They Will NEVER Teach You at Stanford Business School” comes out 11-11-14 52 Cards. Two Jokers. What They DO Teach You at Stanford Engineering Emergency swings and cutting deals as an 9 year old ########## Duck9 is part of UCMS Inc. 630-705-5555

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