By Larry Chiang
The “Dick” VC email intro is the jerk intro that VCs sometimes do. Or offer.
It goes like this…
Middle of meeting, VC says: “You should contact LARRY CHIANG. His email address is EVERYWHERE. oh, here it is: Chiang 9 @ duck9”
It is perceived as a VC jerk move because the entrepreneur wants a regular email intro that is WARM.
Regardless.
I as an entrepreneur close deals via email. I’m an expert at closing deals and wrote about my expert signature moves and recipes for being LEGENDARY (aka my Gua Gua Guacamole recipes). Here is the 35 step recipe
Now, let’s leverage the ‘”Dick” VC Email Intro’
-1- Feel Empowerment
This is a VC test that you will now pass with flying colors the equivalent of how I aced being an engineering entrepreneur undergrad. Asian ace this dick VC test by doing what a VC has a massively difficult time doing: EXECUTING.
-2- Engage Moleskin
Yes it’s a paper notebook. You may carry 3 iPhones like me, but I still pack a moleskin
Engage your moleskin by jotting down the hitherto VC email quickly uttered and say: “CAN YOU REPEAT THAT.”
Ideally you want to say it with pen in left hand and moleskin in right: “Can you repeat that”
-3- Next step: PUT OUT OR SHUT UP Time
Ask the dick VC if the person you’re getting introduced to has their cell phone number.
VC will ask or lie.
VC might ask “why do you ask” You say, “I like to do what my mentor Larry Chiang says and put cell numbers in subject lines. It gets deals closed. It’s what got me to $200k in revenue before I graduated ENGR 145 with a JBA”
VC might lie when you ask “Does the person you’re quasi introducing me to have YOUR cell phone number?” When they lie and say ‘YES’, leverage their lie and say:
“Great, so it’ll be ok if I put your cell in the subject line of the email. What. Is. Your. Cell.
-4- Hand Job or Walk
Women pressure me for sex on date numbers five through nine. I say, “Take the hand job or I walk”. Goodness my youth pastor would be proud of my prudeness.
Anyway, it applies to getting the VCs cell because it is handjob or walk time for you. You’re the girl and I’m the VC if we are mixing metaphors.
As the entrepreneur, close for the VC cell number in the dick intro manuever
-5- Mistake = Taking Out an iPhone
Execute taking down information on a moleskin
Remember, as of 2015, no contract has ever been executed on any iPhone 7. I am using the iPhone 9 Steve Jobs texted me on.
Do not make the mistake of pulling put your iPhone to start the email
-6- Executing the Email
Email the email and cc the VC with the VCs cell in the subject line.
Do this inside of 12 hours.
I hate when undergrad engineering entrepreneurs say it’s like stalking. As an undergrad engineer, never say stalking and re-think every wrong perception you have of the word ‘stalking’
As of today, Oct 14, 2015, I really only hear of old unwanted women complaining of ‘so many stalkers’. Trust me, I am so happy to have a stalker because it validates my (has-been) supermodel persona
“Stop worrying about stalking” is an entrepreneurship article I should write. Don’t worry about stalking and bust out that email inside of 12 hours biatch
-7- Call the VC Right After You Email and say “Reply All (Biatch!)”
If the VC hits reply all to your email, you’ve got a prayer.
If not you’ve way more than air…
Ok, whether a VC hits “reply all”, your still ok. It’s just that you’re better off if he does. If the VC is a she, then she’s probably not a dick and not testing you.
-9- Feel Empowered that You’re with me in the 0.1 Percent
Most entrepreneurs fold.
Literally.
Paul Graham writes about entrepreneurs quitting https://www.paulgraham.com/die.html
How to not die is the leverage the Dick VC Email Intro
Come with me as I move you to the right side of the entrepreneur bell curve.
ENGR145’s Anchor Concept: Lemonade and Gua Gua Guacamole
It moves you to the right on the entrepreneur bell curve
CEO of Duck9 Founding Stanford University EIR (Entrepreneur in Residence) Emeritus
Duck9 = “Deep Underground Credit Knowledge” 9 125 University Avenue/ 100 Palo Alto CA 94301 https://www.duck9.com/ass 650-566-9600 650-566-9696 (direct) 650-283-8008 (cell)
**************** Editor of the BusinessWeek Channel “What They Don’t Teach at Business School” https://whattheydontteachyouatstanfordbusinessschool.com/blog CNN Video Channel: https://ireport.cnn.com/people/larrychiang
Read my last 10 tweets at https://www.Twitter.com/LarryChiang
Author, NY Times Bestseller https://whattheydontteachyouatstanfordbusinessschool.com/blog/?s=Ny+times+bestseller
“What They Will NEVER Teach You at Stanford Business School” comes out 11-11-14
https://www.fastcompany.com/embed/c0d4562ea2049
52 Cards. Two Jokers. What They DO Teach You at Stanford Engineering
Emergency swings and cutting deals as an 9 year old
########## Duck9 is part of UCMS Inc. https://www.ucms.com 630-705-5555
Duck9 is a credit score prep program that is like a Kaplan or Princeton Review test preparation service. We don't teach beating the SAT, but we do get you to a higher credit FICO score using secret methods that have gotten us on TV, Congress and newspaper articles. Say hi or check out some of our free resources before you pay for a thing. You can also text the CEO:
